I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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