hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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