Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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