she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize