First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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