I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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