life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
40s are totally the cure
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
