It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
