Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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