i used baking grease as lip gloss
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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