remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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