The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
