I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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