I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
