We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
