we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
