do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
