If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
