he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
