i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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