I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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