I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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