It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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