"it" just moved
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
