i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
