Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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