she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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