I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
