When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I could fuck to npr.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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