I heard we made out
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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