I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
