her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
