dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
