your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
