Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
