I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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