After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
