a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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