I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A bitchslap is in order.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
