You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
