it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
