I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
