I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thus making me awesome and them whores
two words: eviction party
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
