Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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