I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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