Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My underwear smells like fireworks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
