Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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