I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
