she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
