i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize