Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
