You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
