I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
