Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
