I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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