I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize