So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
