bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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