My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
