i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
