i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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