Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
