tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
