My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
