Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
