Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
