That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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