words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
