I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
