does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize