He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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