dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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