I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
