Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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