i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
