i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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