If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they're like a gay fantastic four
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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