I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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