He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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