toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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