Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
