just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
COCAINE IS GR8
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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