so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
