Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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