What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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