i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its not stalking. its research.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
